Monday, December 31, 2007

22 year Anniversary of my Mom's death.

12/31/07

Twenty two years ago my Mom passed away. How can that be? Twenty two years have passed and I still remember her as if no time has passed. So many thoughts, memories and feelings come up as I take this time today to post Mom’s photo in honor of the anniversary of her passing.

I’m so different than I was the first 41 years she knew me. I was always a problem for Mom. I wasn’t an easy child. Toxic insecurity and over sensitivity manifested rage; frustrating and confusing my parents. How I wish she could have known this Linda today rather than the Linda I used to be. If only I could have seen how much I must have hurt her with my punishing silence and withdrawal.

Later when I was about 39 or 40 I remember we tried to spend a bit of time together. I was so uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to be or what to do the few times we planned dates to be together. Truthfully, I didn’t know how to be with anyone, not even myself.

Years later as part of living amends to my Mom and Dad, on Sunday, October 08, 1995, my sponsor asked me to list what I admired about my Mom and Dad.

Here is that list:

DAD

Incredible businessman
Great desire to be responsible parent financially and wanting us to thrive for the best.
Loving parent
Generous parent
Bright – witty – interesting
Good looking
Direct
Responsible with making us be responsible kids
Loved his work/life
Informed re: world happenings
Fun
Loved travel
Gentleman

MOM - (After I wrote this list for Mom 12 years ago I was surprised. You see my Dad had always been my hero. My Mom was just, well, just my Mom. I had not fully seen my Mom’s incredible qualities until I put a pen to paper for this assignment.
Also right now I am surprised looking at this list again today noticing how many similar traits Mom and I share – minus of course being a Linguist, Historian and Knowledgeable about everything! I’d always thought we were so different.)

Beautiful
Intelligent
Artistic
Linguist
Historian
Gardener
Well read
Knowledgeable about everything
Self sufficient in entertaining herself
Loved travel
Kind, patient
Loving parent
Responsible
Gracious
Selfless

Mom, you are in my thoughts always. I know you feel my love, respect and gratitude today. And, I feel your love too.

3 comments:

J J said...

"Eves" are significant dates in your family. New Years and Christmas. I very much appreciate the work you continue to put into your spiritual growth and your willingness and ability to share it with others. A good teacher.

Alexandra Lee said...

Wow!!! I cried reading this..I love my parents and I admire them so much, it's beautiful what you wrote, this is my biggest challenge of leaving in LA being away from them, can't imagine my life without either one, I am holding onto my faith right now, anyway I'll be back to LA tomorrow, so hopefully I'll see you at the meeting. I miss you.

gottago said...

Oh Alexandra. I'm so happy and relieved to hear you will be home and at the meeting. I know Q. was very worried about you.
I love you very much,
Linda