Sunday, January 4, 2009

I've changed my mind.

I lied. I’ve changed my mind. I am not going to be posting a photo a day as I stated on January 1st. Actually, I don’t know when I’ll post the next photo. How’s that? My life is so full (that’s short for unmanageable) I’m running from one thing to the next. I don’t have a job, don’t have children, and I can’t get done what’s already on my plate each day. I don’t get it. I’ve never tended to as many tasks as I do each day yet my to-do list increases by 3 or 4 new tasks by the end of the day.
I don’t want to just fit in taking a photo. I want taking photos to be a want to, not have to. Right now I haven’t a clue how to find dedicated camera time or dedicated anytime for myself. So I am scratching taking the photo a day Ideal off my New Year Ideal’s list. There. That feels much better.
I like being able to change my mind.
Now the question is how I start eliminating all the other unnecessary tasks I daily generate for myself?
Take tonight. I went to my GSR District meeting, quite clear that if I was asked to fill an open position I was going to say no. As the Secretary was going down the agenda she started asking people if they’d be willing to take on some of the long standing, unfilled, open service commitments. No one was offering to Chair any of these service commitments. I couldn’t believe people could just sit there without guilt and comfortably allow the silence to not motivate them into relenting, raising their hand and saying, “Oh, ok. I’ll do it.” The silence was awkward. My mind kept thinking about whether I should help out. Then I remembered that I wasn’t taking on one more thing. So, I sat on my hands like the rest of the GSRs.
Then I had the bright idea that I could help them out by asking the secretary to give a more complete description of the positions she was trying to get filled. You know, I was thinking people might raise their hands if they knew what was involved with taking on one or another of these service commitments. Before I knew it the attention was on me and stayed on me. Someone nominated me for District Committee Chair. I told them I am not here in the summer. . (I told them I am away in the summer hoping they’d think I was a snowbird).They said, “Well, just do the commitment until July.” Without any acknowledgement on my part, other than my open mouth and wide eyes, I heard them nominate me for the DCM West position. What was I to do? With all eyes on me, I must have given some sort of positive acknowledgement and they all applauded. They weren’t really applauding that I took the job, they were applauding because then they didn’t feel guilty for not taking it.
I just don’t get it. This commitment entails my going to meetings from Rancho Mirage on west to who knows where, talking up the importance of being a GSR, how a group isn’t represented if they don’t have a GSR.
I am powerless over saying NO, that my life is unmanageable.
I might just have to go back next month and tell them at the District Committee Meeting that I lied!


Susan Lowery said...

Say no, trust me! Or you too will be hating your life and not knowing why. There isn't enough time in the day to do what you need to do and BE an artist. It takes time. Lots of it, to nourish it and learn to SEE.



Katya said...

Hi Linda - you are so funny! I would have felt the same way when no one else was volunteering. Darn that you took that commitment!

Anonymous said...

I completely understand the idea of changing your mind. It's your perrogative to do as you will!

Sometimes it's so hard to say no! just had an instance where not saying no created a resentment for me! UGH!

Tasty's Big Butt said...

You are so funny! I know that feeling well, of not saying no. It's the rescue syndrome I always talk about. I also hate that awkward silence. That silence gets me every time. I am always so uncomfortable I HAVE to SAY something!